


The Trouble With Retreating

by Drel_Murn



Series: Step by Step [6]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dreamsharing, Fire Nation (Avatar), Firebending & Firebenders, Gen, Imperialism, Kidnapping, Meddling, Meddling Spirits, Spirits, Waterbending & Waterbenders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 07:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18494101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drel_Murn/pseuds/Drel_Murn
Summary: Yazhu still isn't sure who to believe, but they need to do something.





	The Trouble With Retreating

“Hey,” Hotaru says as she steps up to rest her hands on the rail next to me.

Kaede says nothing as he settles down on my other side.

“Hey.” I lift my head to the sky and close my eyes so that I can focus on the smell of salt in the wind that whips past us. “Are the passengers settled in?”

Hotaru take a measured breath, and I open my eyes in time to watch sparks stream across the sky, the orange of fire so different from the white stars they seem to mimic.

“They’re fine.” She hesitates. “You know, you could-”

I push off the rail and she falls silent, already resigned. “I’ll be in my bunk if you need me.”

()

I fall asleep to warm darkness and the sound of waves against the side of the ship. I dream of clear light, icy cold on my exposed face, and the sound of waves against the side of a much smaller boat.

“I know you’re awake.”

There are hands threading through my hair. When I open my eyes, Tikaani is leaning over me, their hair (out of its usual high ponytail) falls around us like a curtain that blocks off the rest of the world, their dark blue eyes staring at me.

Then they roll off the boat onto rapidly forming ice, laughing as Ming’s hands swipes through the empty air over my head.

“Get back here, you!” Ming growls, but they're already sitting back, their weight on my hips enough to keep me pinned.

I absently track Tikaani by the crackle and sloosh of forming and melting ice and the way Ming's weight shifts as they taunt each other.

“Are you two done?” I ask after Tikaani haughtily accepts Ming's hand to step into the boat and settles at my head again.

“Oh, come on Yazhu,” Ming exclaims as they scoot back a bit so I can sit up and swing my legs down off the bench. “Don’t be a killjoy.”

“Stop climbing me like a tree!” I shoot back as I turn so I can see both people.

“Why Yazhu,” Tikaani says, fluttering their eyelashes and very obviously only just holding back a laugh, “I didn’t know that you thought of us that way.”

It takes a moment of blank staring before I understand what Tikaani’s implying before I’m the one lunging at them.

“Don’t worry about them, Yazhu,” Ming says when I turn away from Tikaani, opening their arms. “I can keep us-ack!”

“Ming you traitor!” Tikaani yells. “I thought we agreed that I was the one who got to seduce Yazhu today!”

“No it’s my turn!” Ming yells before I manage to get my hand over their mouth again.

“You’re awful,” I tell both of them.

“Yeah, but you love us,” Tikaani says, though they don’t let their ice floe drift any closer.

Ming can’t answer with my hand over their mouth, but they wink with one gold-green eye.

“Yeah, yeah,” I let go of Ming, ignoring their over dramatic gasp for air, and extend a hand to Tikaani as they climb back into the boat again. “Weren’t you going to teach us about navigating near the North Pole? Remember, I’m coming up north soon. Don’t you want to make sure I don’t get lost if I come see you?”

“Yazhu,” Ming says, clasping their hands to their chest over their heart, “are you cheating on me? With Tikaani?”

“ _ I _ haven’t chosen yet, so I can’t exactly cheat,” I say archly.

It’s all very overdramatic, but it’s fun, and that’s something Tikaani and I need. Maybe later, when the water is calm and the last of our energy worn out, we would talk about our troubles.

Maybe we would talk about how Tikaani is - unhappily - as good as married with their engagement.

Maybe we would talk about how people refuse to believe Ming when they say they’re happy alone, that they’ve made their own vows to Agni.

Maybe we would board the Sunset and find the holds full of faceless earthbenders - less and less faceless as I head north and see more and more of Ming’s features on those we rescue.

But not right now.

()

“Alright, alright, we’ve gossiped enough,” Kazue Suzaku says, resettling on her side of the table. “Any more and I think your kids will melt out of embarrassment.”

I wrinkle my nose, but it’s not like I’d bothered to hide my blush, and Kaede beside me had slumped at just the right angle to throw his face into shadow in a way that makes it obvious that even his usual stoicness is taking a blow.

“That’s never stopped you before,” Aunt Riko says, amusement coloring her voice, but she shifts too, moving her mug to the side and straightening up. “So, the mission?”

“Right.” Kazue nods. “The FLS Hachiro. It runs the northern circuit. During the Siege on Ba Sing Se, it sometimes ran supplies from Chao Bai Colony up Huise River. Now that the siege is over, it’s returned to its duty as a prison ship.”

“Hm. Anything special about it?”

I shift slightly, enough that my shoulder nudges Kaede’s, and he slumps further. We both know why his mother’s asking.

“Not really.” Kazue leans back in her chair again. “Not about the ship at least. The benders on the other hand can sometimes be a bit odd - I’ve heard from other people who did the Hachiro run before that a number of the benders refuse help from us or the White Lotus, even right off the ship, and are on their way home almost as soon as they reach shore.”

“Well, that’s for you to worry about. Good. I was wondering if you’d be willing to take some of my kids with you on this next one.”

A grin tugs at the corner of my lips, and I nudge Kaede again. This time, he nudges me back and shifts so he's standing straight again, his face no longer hidden in the shadows.

“Oh? I thought you wanted to wait a bit longer.”

“Yes, well, I don’t know when you’ll get assigned to our ship, so I figure now is good enough.”

“Well, alright then. I know your standards, your kids’ll be up to mine. Just let me throw them to my crew while we’re traveling, and let me get a feel for where I should put them.”

“ 'Bout how long do we got before we get to the Hachiro?” Aunt Riko asks, leaning back and relaxing now that her request has been granted, though she doesn't reach for her mug to signal that business is fully over. “My kids are good, but even they'll need a day or two to settle in with your lot.”

“Should be a good week or so, we’ve got plenty of time,” Kazue says, and Aunt Riko makes a satisfied noise as she finally reaches for her mug.

She throws it back to get out the last of the tea, then sets it down on the table. “Alright kiddos,” she says waving a hand at Kaede and me, “Shoo. If I want anything, I’ll go get it myself.” Her gaze shift a fraction as she focuses more on Kaede than on the both of us. “Go get some sleep, looks like you’ll be up early tomorrow for training.”

“Are you sure it’s not just that you want us out so you can sleep with Kazue?” I ask from the doorway, a laugh coming out as I catch the cushion she throws at me and throw it back as I duck out and shut the door.

Kaede gives me a look as I slump against the closed door, more laughter spilling out. “Must you talk about my mother like that?”

“You’ll notice that she’s never denied it,” I reply, letting him tug me away from the captain’s cabin and down the hall towards the room we share with Hotaru. “It’s not like I ever say it’s a bad thing - she’s always more relaxed when one of her friends are onboard!”

Hotaru glances up from the book she’s reading by the light of a lantern at the sound on my voice as we come in.

“They tease the captain over her friendship again?” she asks, letting the book fall shut as Kaede and I start to strip in front of her so we can change into clothes more comfortable to sleep in, and she grins when Kaede makes an incoherent noise in the depths on his tunic. She holds out a palm as he finally manages to pull it off. “Pay up. I told you they would, they do this every time we get someone Auntie is more than acquaintances with!”

“And every time, I hope it’s the last,” Kaede grumbles, but he pauses to cross the room to the small chest that has his personal effects as I hide my smile digging through the larger chest all three of us store our clothes in. He flips a coin at Hotaru just in time to get hit in the face with his sleep shirt and sleep pants.

He makes a face at me, then turns to tuck his coin purse back away as I pull out my own sleep clothes.

Hotaru’s making that victorious face she gets whatever she wins a bet as we finish changing, the face that has everything to do with winning and nothing to do with the money, but she puts the coin away quickly and extinguishes the lamp as we settle down down on our own sleeping mats. They’re close enough together in the cramped room that sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t just be easier to just all sleep together on one big sleeping mat. It’s not like it would change much - Kaede’s freezing feet are tucked again my back soon enough, and in her half casual sprawl, Hotaru has one hot hand clenched possessively around my ankle, the other reaching across my legs to grab Kaede’s wrist.

It doesn’t take me long to get to sleep.

()

I’m alone alone in the dream.

It makes me frown because sometimes we don’t all sleep at the same time, sometimes Ming has to stay up regulating the temperature of their kiln, sometimes I’m far enough to the east that I don’t get to sleep ‘till halfway through their night, and Tikaani said yesterday that they have the night watch tonight.

But Ming hadn’t said anything.

Without them, the dream is even quicker to change on my every whim and nightmare.

()

I have one arm wrapped around Kaede as he leans tiredly into me, contorted awkwardly so he can bury his face in my shoulder.

On his other side, I can feel Hotaru brushing up against my arm occasionally as she shifts in place. As our resident firebender, she’s always the first one up, and the wait for Kazue’s people to come out is making her restless. By now, she’s normally at least stretched to burn some energy as she waits for me to get up, but if she and Kaede are going to fit into the group, it’ll be better for them to stretch with the others as well.

I, of course, am here for the extra training and to be moral support. I won’t be coming along.

Kaede looks up, blinking blearily, as the door to the captain’s cabin swings open.

The first one out is Kazue, wearing what I know has to be one of Aunt Riko’s shirts from the patchwork Nakano maple leaf on the front. She meets my eyes and grins, taking a moment to pause in the doorway and stretch. Then she stumbles forwards as Aunt Riko pushes at her from behind.

“Stop hogging the sun,” Aunt Riko says, stepping out and pulling her door shut behind her.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Oi! Brats! Get over here,” Aunt Riko calls.

Kadede mumbles something unflattering to his mom, but obligingly straightens up so we can follow Hotaru, who’d practically bolted over, and was vibrating in place waiting for us.

“Kazue,” Aunt Riko says as Kaede and I draw near, stepping forwards and turning to face Kazue, “these are the kids I want you to take. Hotaru here,” she reaches out and puts one hand on Hotaru’s shoulders, pressing down to make her still, “is a firebender. My son Kaede,” she motions at Kaede with her other hand, “ is a waterbender.”

“Takes after you, does he?” Kazue asks.

“And countless other Nakano. Last, Yazhu. They don't bend. They'll-”

Aunt Riko is interrupted by a loud bang.

"Kazue, you sleep well last night?” Atsuka calls, a grin spitting his face as he strides across the deck towards us.

"-they won't be joining you on the raid,” Aunt Riko finishes.

Kazue humms distractedly in reply as she steps forwards to talk with Atsuka. Behind Atsuka, two familiar faces emerge from the gloom - Kenshin, with eyes as gold as the royal family’s and a hand on his sword, and Shi Rong in bold Earth greens. The two of them work as a team - I heard that they met while fighting to keep the Fire Nation from taking over one of the Earth Kingdoms - and they seem to trade rescue crews fairly often because they’re on at least a third of the missions we run.

Before I can do anything though, Kazue turns around. “You lot, come here! I’ve got your assignment. You’ll be working with Shi Rong and Kenshin here on clearing the lower decks and checking for any prisoners put into solitary. Got it?”

“Got it,” Hotaru says. She’s practically vibrating in place. “Will we have to fight soldiers? Because we’ve had training, but I don’t think that we’re on that level-”

“We shouldn’t have to fight any Fire Nation soldiers,” Kenshin replies as I wince away from the question, his eyes lingering on me.

“Good,” Hotaru says, calming a little. “Now, can we please start training? I’ve normally at least stretched by this point, and it feels like I drank 5 cups of kaf.”

“Impatience leads to mistakes,” Shi Rong warns. A sly smile plays at her lips as she crosses her arms.

“Patience gets me nowhere if I can’t focus enough to take advantage of it,” Hotaru counters.

“Yes, yes, you’re both wise,” Kazue cuts in. “Make sure you get used to fighting together, and maybe try working down below deck once you’ve got that handled, you shouldn't have to fight, but better safe than sorry. If you have any problems, don’t come to me, go to Atsuka. Got it?”

“Yes, Kazue,” we chorus with varying levels of enthusiasm and sincerity. Kaede sounds like he practically asleep all over again, despite the walking back and forth.

Kazue nods with satisfaction, then starts tugging Aunt Riko back to the captain’s cabin. “Remember,” she calls over her shoulder, “don’t come looking for me!”

Atsuka watches them go with a small smile, then turns back to us. “If any of you need me, I’ll probably be in the galley or in my room. Do you-”

“We know where your room is,” Hotaru says, and Atsuka nods.

“Good,” he says, and he turn to head back into the hold.

“Alright,” Kenshin says, eyeing the deck. It’s fairly cluttered, so if we want a spot to fight without tripping over a pile of rope or netting or something, we’d have to clear a spot or go elsewhere. “Let’s go somewhere and talk about what we can do first. Fighting’s all well and good, and we’ll probably be sparring a lot over the next couple of days, we should set some ground rules first.”

()

I stretch as I stand up. I wince a little thinking of how sore I’m going to be when I wake up. Fighting uses your muscles in different ways than keeping a ship running, and on top of those sore muscles, there's the bruises on my forearms from blocking and on my back from where I'd hit the deck.

Deo (another of my cousins, and resident healer on the Sunset) had seen to everyone's burns and lacerations, but that was about the Iimit of his magic waterbending healing.

"You all done?” Hotaru asks as I pick up my bowl and my tea cup.

"Yeah,” I say. "I'm going to go down and double check the inventory, practice for the inspection when we make port tomorrow."

“You always tell them the same thing, and it's always true,” Kaede says, fondly exasperated. “We've got some passengers and a shipment of raw clay and lumber to trade up in Po Fu.”

“Yeah, well, I still want to double check the count,” I say. “See you later.”

I go dump my dishes for the dishwashers and leave.

“Yazhu.”

I pause in the hallway outside the dining room. “Thank you for not insisting that I go with Hotaru and Kaede.”

“Well, we’ve had that discussion often enough,” Aunt Riko says as I turn around. “But-”

“ _ Yes _ , I’m sure that I don’t want to.”

Aunt Riko frowns, but she doesn’t protest. We’ve had this conversation enough times over the years that both of us could probably recite each other’s arguments word-for-word.

“I wish I got you sooner,” she says instead. “My sister shouldn’t have left you on Honoiro.”

I bristle. “Leave my parents out of this.”

“She didn’t even leave you with family. None of us knew you existed until you were ten!”

“Yeah, too late for all of you to make sure that your way is the only one I think is right.”

“I told you, everything they taught you was full of propaganda!”

“How do I know that? How do I know that everything you’ve tried to tell me wasn’t just anti-Fire Nation propaganda? I’ll admit that maybe the Fire Nation is capturing earthbenders, but how do I know they’re not just taking the ones that cause trouble? I’ll admit that the Fire Nation’s been conquering the Earth Kingdoms, but that’s just what nations do! The Earth Kingdoms did it too - you told me about Chin the Conqueror and the coastal water tribes!”

“And what about the Air Nomads?”

“They were building their own army! Our spies reported that they were sailing over to begin conquering  _ us _ !”

“They were monks!”

“That’s stupid! You know that the Air Nomads were capable of fighting and killing. Maybe some of them were monks, but some of them weren’t! That’s why we have airbenders in the family, remember?”

“And that was centuries ago!”

“Well who’s to say they-”

“Okay, okay, stop!” Aunt Riko interrupts me, holding up a hand. “Let’s- let’s not. You’re not going, I get it. I’m sorry. I’ll just - go.”

I watch her go, then sigh, my shoulders slumping as I lean against the wall and scrub at my eyes. I feel abruptly aware of all my forming aches. I feel tired.

Damn it. This is why I try not to talk about the missions. My family always want me to believe that the Fire Nation is up to something bad, bad like worse than conquering the Earth Kingdoms, but I just can’t bring myself to believe it.

I retreat to my books, and when inventory is done I pull out my old school books and start going over the math problems again. I retreat into numbers, into the mind numbing puzzles.

()

The canoe is pulled up on the shore when I start dreaming. Eyes closed, I listen to the sound of pebbles being dragged back and forth by the waves, and smell the dampness of fog in the air. Under the sound of the waves, I can make out indistinct arguing.

I slowly blink, then sit up. The cliff in front of me looks especially jagged, and I can only barely make out the redwoods looming forebodingly at the top. The blues and greens of Tikaani and Ming’s clothes look oddly washed out, even against the varying greys of the rocks where they sit. They’re arguing, and it makes me want to just - lay back down and wait until they’re done and they come find me. I’ve had enough arguing today.

Then they look up.

Ming says something more to Tikaani, then they push themself off the rock, leaving Tikaani frowning at their back.

“Yazhu!” Ming calls as they get closer. They sweep me up in a hug and pull me up to my feet.

“You weren’t here last night,” I say into their shoulder.

“Something came up.” They loosen their hold and step back. 

I can practically see some idea forming in their head as they look me over.

"Hey, why don't you settle a question for us? I think the Tikaani should come and visit me some time soon-”

"And I keep telling you I'm too busy,” Tikaani says flatly.

The story makes sense, but there's something off about Tikaani’s eyes, about the way they don’t offer a hug.

I open my arms for them, and they look at me like the gesture is foreign for a long moment before they step closer and let me wrap my arms around them. Their own arms just hang limply by their side.

I squeeze softly for a long moment before their arms come up to respond.

“Since they’re going to be traveling for real, we decided that we should do something different while we’re here so they don’t get bored,” Ming says. “I thought-”

“We are not going to watch you make pottery again,” Tikaani interrupts.

Suddenly Tikaani's mood makes sense. They only get like this when they're worried that they'll lose someone. There must have been an attack last night.

I've heard that ships with blue sails had been attacking in the north, around where the Sunset is headed, and the usual "hide behind the nearest waterbender should blue sails be spotted” had made the rounds. Some admiral must have decided to retaliate, even though everyone is fairly certain that the ships with blue sails aren’t associated with the Northern Water Tribe.

Tikaani always likes to keep an eye on us after an attack, and Ming only makes pottery in our dreams when they want the rest of us to leave them alone.

“I’m down for a card game,” I offer, and Tikaani nods.

Ming’s eyes are distant when I turn to them. They shake themself before I can say anything. “Did you say a card game?”

()

The rest of the week before Hotaru and Kaede’s first mission goes smoothly. After a little soreness, I relax into the return of sparing.

Tikaani continues to keep Ming and me close at night, so whoever got hurt must have been close to them.

The night before they’re to go on the mission Hotaru keeps Kaede and I up late, pacing the bare few hands of space between the wall and her sleeping mat.

“I just don’t know if I should go,” she repeats for what feels like the hundredth time. “I mean I get why Auntie wants us to have the experience, but I’ve never really been one for fighting, and what if I mess up? What if I get someone killed?”

“La of the Depths, Hotaru,” Kaede groans into his pillow. “If you come that’s one more person to make sure the operation goes smoothly. We probably aren’t even going to have to fight remember?”

Hotaru collapses on the floor and reaches over me to tug at his sleep shirt until he turn his head and props his chin on the back of my leg. “But what if we do?”

“Then you’re one more person who can help us overpower them, even if all you are is a distraction,” he sighs. “Now can you go to sleep? We want to be at our best tomorrow, remember?”

Hotatu hesitates for a moment then sighs and waves out all of the sparks that had been floating over our heads to light up the room. She slides under her blankets, and promptly kicks half of them off as she makes herself comfortable.

“What do you think Yazhu?” she asks in the dark.

“I think that Kaede has a better chance of coming back alive with you.”

“Thanks,” Kaede snorts, and I flail a hand around behind me to hit his leg.

“I think he has a better chance with you,” I repeat, “but it’s not like I’m going.”

Hotaru is silent.

Then she reaches out and grabs my ankle like she does every night.

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

“Try not to wake us up at sunrise.”

()

I spend most of the next day down in the hold counting the cargo again, for lack of anything better to do. I don't want to talk to Hotaru or Kaede right now, and none of my other cousins are quite as sanguine about me always winning, and there aren't many other things to count that can distract me from my nerves.

And Inari knows I have nerves.

Some time past noon I decide that, soothing though it might be, a ninth inventory won't change anything, and I find myself wandering the deck instead. Eventually I sit down in one of the boats that Kazue's people will take tonight. I wonder if I know the people who will take this boat.

Then I lay down in the boat and wonder if Hotaru and Kaede will take this boat. The thought leads to a frantic inventory of the boat, then a second. But then the sun is bright enough, and the season just right that it's warm, even this far north, and I find myself laying back in the boat again, staring up at the sky.

My last, hazy thought is a vague thought that I should have moved so they wouldn't wake me when they leave.

()

It feels odd to dream during the day. Even in the absence of the others, there's a sort of hazy feeling, like I'm wandering the dreamscape only half here.

()

I come awake all at once, with Kazue shaking my shoulders.

The light’s different and -

And I recognise the feel of the ocean moving a smaller boat as I bolt upright.

I'm not on the Sunset. I can't see any boats other than the raid boats, and the sun is way below where it should be when the raid is starting, and-

“Hey kid, you alright?” Kazue asks.

-and I’m on the raid, aren’t I?

I use certain words. I use them quietly and under my breath, hoping Kazue doesn’t catch them.

“Why am I here?” I ask her. “Why didn’t you wake my up earlier?”

“You’re one of Riko’s kids, right? The ones she she wanted me to take on the raid?

“I’m- not me!”

“Then why were you training in the mornings?” Kazue asks, her smile growing. “No, nevermind. It’s too late to go back, and I’m not about to leave you alone with the boats. When we board the Hachiro, go find the group you trained with.”

“But-”

“Ah!” She raises a hand. “No protesting.”

She turns away from me, muttering something about confusion and Riko and some vague but dire threats.

I almost collapse back into my seat. "I'm not supposed to be here,” I mutter, slumping forwards. "I  _ can't _ be here."

"Brat,” an almost familiar voice calls, and I look up just in time to fumble for the bundle of clothes Atsuka tossed me. Kazue's second gives me a look over the clothes. "We're not exactly happy about having someone extra either. Now get changed.”

I change.

I wait.

I follow Atsuka up the ladder and onto the ship.

I see a person in Fire Navy armour slumped unconscious on the deck.

I-

“Ow!” I swat at the person who pinched me, and Kenshin catches my wrist, gold eyes freezing my in place.

“Are you paying attention to me now?” he asks, and I slowly nod at him. He searches my eyes, then lets go of me and steps back so Hotaru and Kaede can crowd me. Despite the questions in their eyes, they don’t say anything, and they’re quick to turn back to Kenshin.

“You remember our role, right?” Kenshin asks me, and I nod quickly.

“Good.” Kenshin turns to Shi Rong, and with a shared nod, the pair lead us silently into the ship behind another group. We take the ladders down quickly, Hotaru going first, a flame burning in her palm so she can lash out at any guards me encounter. Shi Rong goes to check the first room on each level to make sure we get off at the right one.

When we get to our level, I find myself in the middle of the group, and I’m the one who checks each door as the others keep watch on the hallway.

The first ten are empty.

There’s a sudden rush of movement as I go to open the next door, and I turn sharply in time to see Hotaru’s fire illuminate the face of the guard.

“Wait!” I yelp, lunging between the group and the guard to keep them from fighting. “Wait!”

“Yazhu!” multiple people exclaim, Kaede’s water falling to the floor and Hotaru’s fire abruptly going out midway through another move as she pulls back. I can hear a splash of water from behind me as well. Kenshin’s sword is unsheathed, like it has been since we confirmed we were on the right level, and neither he nor Shi Rong loose their ready stances.

“Yazhu,” Kenshin starts, but before he can continue, there are hands on my shoulders, tugging at me to turn around, and Tikaani is staring at me. I can hear rocks shifting, and the low whoosh of Hotaru’s fire relighting.

“Yazhu,” they say, and their hands come up to cup my face. “What in the Bright Moon’s name are you doing here?”

“It was an accident,” I reply automatically, even as I reach up to touch their face as well. They must not have managed to find a helmet. Without it, their costume isn’t very convincing, their hair is too short to pull off a proper Fire topknot, and their eyes are too blue, and their skin it too dark. “What are  _ you _ doing here?”

“Yazhu,” Kenshin says, sounding too calm. “Do you know them?”

I pause, turning halfway so I can see both Tikaani and my group.

My eyes flicker to Tikaani, my head tilting in a silent question.

They glance over the group, then tilt their head in a question of their own.

I nod, and they nod back. I turn more fully to face the group, taking a step back to stand next to Tikaani.

“This is Tikaani of the Northern Water Tribe.”

“And why are they here?” Kenshin asks.

The slight amount of tension that had drained from Tikaani returns in a rush, sending their spine rigid as they turn to me.

“Ming told me not to tell you, but you’re here so you need to know - they were taken as an earthbender.”

My fingers clench, and I suddenly feel cold. “Ming? But they-”

“We don’t have time for this,” Kenshin interrupts. “Yazhu, do you trust them?”

I nod.

“Alright, then keep moving. You can talk later.”

I hesitate, then nod and turn back to the door I’d been about to open. There’s no one in this cell.

As I turn away, Kaede settles himself at my side, across from Tikaani, and Hotaru stands behind me, the gentle press of her fingers keeping me aware of her presence. They’re closer than they’d been before, closer than they have to be, but I appreciate that closeness.

Ming's here. Tikaani's here to rescue them. Ming’s here somewhere, and Tikaani’s here to rescue them  _ alone _ , and they hadn’t asked me for help even though they know that my family is connected to a group that specializes in rescue missions.

They hadn't told me.

They hadn't told me, and for what? Because I refused to go on my family’s rescue trips?

That’s-

Well. It is reasonable. But I’d have helped if they asked! Ming’s my friend, not some stranger! I wouldn’t abandon them!

I feel numb. I barely see the people we’re rescuing, except as partial echoes of Ming. Their eyes, again and again. Their curly hair. The shape of their face, their nose. The color of their skin.

Everything’s lit by the wavering light of Hotaru’s flame as I open door after door, and the earthbenders flinch away from us as Shi Rong slips in with with rocks for them.

There’s door after door and-

And I blink. Beside me, Tikaani makes a soft noise.

The person on the pallet shifts, turning towards us, revealing a black eye and a broken nose still dripping blood. They squint, their eyes not quite focusing.

“You back for more?” they ask, and . . . and I can’t.

I press my fingers into my palms one at a time, counting  _ one two three four five six seven eight nine ten _ .

I see Tikaani drop to their knees - _one_ _two three -_

I see Ming flinch back from their arms -  _ four five six - _

I see Ming’s arms come up slowly -  _ seven eight nine - _

Keade grabs my hand before I can get to ten, and Hotaru grabs my other hand, nestled in the empty space Tikaani had left.

It’s surreal, to be here, on a mission, with both my friends from when I’m awake and when I’m asleep, and-

And standing here with both of them, I’m reminded why I’d chosen to befriend Kaede and Hotaru. When Aunt Riko swept me up, there wasn’t exactly a shortage of cousins curious about what it was like to grow un on land, and while I’d made other friends, I’d stuck with Kaede and Hotaru because they reminded me of Tikaani and Ming. Not the way they look, or what they bend, or the way they act, but something about them.

It was the way they interacted with each other, the way the treated me.

The thought comes as really as it had earlier, that if Kaede or Hotaru were captured, I would do this for them too.

Kaede taps a familiar rhythm on the back of my hand.

Shi Rong’s hand on my back is as firm as Hotaru’s had been light, as she leans forwards. “That who you were looking for?” she asks, and she doesn’t wait for my answer. “Well, tell them we need to move. We’ve got more doors to open.”

I tung my hand gently free from Hotaru and lean forwards to tap Tikaani’s shoulder. They glance up at me, then turn back to Ming and help them get up.

Ming still doesn't seem to see me as Tikaani leads them out, and I don't know if I'm grateful for that or mad. Some of the other earthbenders recognise them, and they tug them away from Tikaani and further into the group. They don't trust us, and I can't blame them.

Hotaru has to move to the front of the group, and Tikaani and Kaede to the back so we aren't too spread out to protect the people we rescued.

I feel numb again as we finish our section. As we climb up to the deck. As Ming gets swept away. As Hotaru helps me down into a boat. As Kaede steers us back to the Sunset. As I push my way down into the hold where we store the pottery that we transport, my first time down here with passengers. As I look for Ming amoung the huddled forms with familiar eyes and familiar faces.

When I find them, Tikaani on my heels, they're in the middle of a group, reassuring them that they're safe. They don't pause when they meet my eyes, so I wait for them. I recognise names, as they talk, of the other earthbenders in their village.

Eventually, they manage to pull away and come over to us. They sway more than they should, and looking at their black eye, I make a note to get Deo to check them for a concussion. The stop in front of me and look me over.

"Your family's rescue operation?”

I nod.

"How did you -"

"I was there," I interrupt. "It was an accident, but . . .”

Ming nods. They don’t try to distract me from it, they just let the fact lay heavy between us.

They glance back the the people they know and ask, “You got somewhere else we can go?”

I take them first to Deo. The water around his hands glows as he touches their forehead, his eyes closed in concentration, but it isn’t long before he steps back and gives Ming a clean bill of health.

Then I take them back to my room. Kaede and Hoaru aren't in as I let Tikaani and Ming in, and I glance down the corridor as I close the door, wondering if they're still getting the earthbenders settled.

As soon as the door is shut, Ming breathes cold, red fire, long and slow, over their cupped palms. They take a breath and do it again, this time dropping their hands as the fire comes out orange, and again as while, and again as blue.

If Ming was one of my cousins or even just from the Fire Nation, I would have expected them to ask for a spar now. That was what most cultures did with a bender - you take someone who has so much power and you make their your protector, no matter how well or badly suited to the task they are.

But Ming isn’t from the Fire Nation, and they don’t ask for a spar. Instead, they just hold the fire in their cupped hands and look at it, letting it flare in time with their breathing as it settles down into a cool yellow orange.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say immediately as they turn towards me.

I’m still shaky from one shock after another.

They could have died. I could have lost them, and they didn’t even tell me what was happening.

They didn’t tell me they’d been taken. They didn’t tell me, and I’m not sure I want to know right now.

I don’t think I want to know, not when I still feel numb.

I press my fingers into my palm - _ twothreefour _ \- because I can’t go down to take inventory with all the people who  _ need _ to sleep among the pots and jars and bases after probably months of elemental deprivation.

There's an awkward silence. Tikaani shifts in the corner. The door opens. Kaede pauses in the doorway, looking at us. His eyes go from Ming, still holding the fire, to Tikaani, to me, counting my fingers.

He tilts his head in a silent question. When I nod, he moves into the room, walking towards me. He grabs my clenched hand and extends my fingers. He rubs them gently, then starts tapping a pattern on my skin.

“You must be Kaede,” Tikaani says. “Yazhu's told us about you.”

“Have they?” Kaede asks, glancing up at me.

I cover my eyes with the hand he's not holding.

“You're from the Northern Water Tribes, right?” Kaede asks, his fingers digging into my palm, the movements more massive now than pattern.. “And you're from up north. I don't think Yazhu's been up this way before, how'd you three meet?”

“Well . . .”

“It was in our dreams,” I say, letting the hands covering my eyes fall. “I've been dreaming of therm since . . . forever.”

“Even on Honoiro?”

I nod, and Kaede rubs my hand once more before he lets go. He crosses the room to the chest he shares with Hotaru and me. It's mostly clothes, but Hotaru's left a couple of her meditation candles in our, and it doesn't take much rummaging to produce one.

“Here,” Kaede says, offering it to Ming. “We can't say if you can sleep here until Hotaru gets back, but wherever you end up, this should help.”

Hotaru comes back eventually. She keeps shooting Ming and Tikaani glances as Kaede talks to her in a low voice off to the side, but she doesn't protest against them spending the night.

I end up between the two groups, of course.

Ming is in front of me, tucked securely between Tikaani and me, my mind reminding me that they could have died every time they shift slightly away. I want to know where they are. This is my first time meeting them in the real world, but that only makes Ming's injuries more shocking. I want to know where they are so I know that they're safe.

Kaede ends up behind me like usual. However, instead of sleeping with his head at my feet, he places his pillow next to mine, and when we're settled in, I can feel him behind me, our tunics brushing when we breathe. Hotaru's on his other side, her pillow at our feet, and I can feel her hot fingers wrap around my ankle. 

The whole thing was awkward to settle into - elbows jabbing everywhere, blankets getting arranged, everyone packed close in the limited space, the firebenders’ body heat making us rearrange the blankets several more times - but once everyone's settled, its surprisingly easy to fall asleep.

I've got the four people most important to me all in one room.

()

The night passes in silence. I keep away from Ming and Tikasni and tell myself the story of the man who polished the beach.

_ Once there was a man who was going to polish all the sand on the shore. He picked up one grain of sand and polished it. He set it down. _

_ He picked up a second grain of sand and polished it. He set it down. _

_. . . _

I don't remember how far I got.

()

Kaede takes Tikaani with him when he goes to give his report on what happened last night. Hotaru did her exercises before the rest of us got up, so she's content to follow Ming as we go back to the cabin.

Well, that and, from in the eye she's keeping on Ming, she's ready to throw them out the moment they upset me.

"I want to talk about it," I say before the others can start. “I’ve been thinking . . .”

I put my hands behind my back to Hotaru can’t see that I’m counting, “since last night, I’ve been thinking . . . that now I know it’s the Fire Nation . . .”

Why did it have to be the Fire Nation? Why couldn’t this have been some plot by the spirits? It doesn’t even really make all that much sense to round up the earthbenders like this, it would be better to try and assimilate them, not to alienate them. I’m not exactly a fan of the colonies, but it doesn’t make  _ sense _ -

“I should do something,” I say. “I probably should have done something before-”

But I didn’t want it to be true. But I’m not really Fire in the sense that people tend to belong to their element, the Nakano Clan as a whole is a rather mixed bag of Fire and Water, and even some Air, and then my mother went and fell in love with a nomadic Earth person, but I act Fire because that’s safest, and I don’t want to be bad. But I didn’t want to believe that the government I’m supposed to listen to, that the people I grew up with on Honoiro, the people I knew for the first ten years of my life, were bad.

I still don’t even really believe most of what my family says is true.

“-but I didn’t. I want to make it up. I could join the raid teams . . .” Ming and Hotaru are looking at each other as I trail off. Well, it was more that Hotaru looked away, and Ming looked away, and for lack of anything better to do, they’d ended up looking at each other. It’s rather annoying, and it almost distracts me from the sting of my nails digging into my palm - _ twothreefour _ . 

Hotaru’s not one to look away when I talk. Kaede’s the one to encourage me to talk about how I feel, but Hotaru’s the better listener, but she’s not listening right now, so: “What is it?”

Hotrau jerks, glancing up guiltily. “Joining a raid party’s not the only way to contribute,” she says slowly. “The last couple of times we made port in Fire Nation Territory, there’s been word that the cousins stationed on Honoiro are looking for someone to take over.”

It takes me a moment to understand what she was saying. I’d been so focused on trying to figure out what I could do while staying near her and Kaede that leaving them hadn’t occurred to me. “You wouldn’t be there,” I say as I go over the past couple of days, trying to figure out what made her suggest this.

“Well,” she says, interrupting me as I near certainty that it was the way I panicked on the mission, “Kaede and I have been talking about maybe leaving the Sunset. Kaede wants to get out from his mother’s eyes. And you know Honoiro . . .”

I blink. I’m still a bit caught on ‘what did I do?’.

“They want you to go to Honoiro with them,” Ming says, wrinkling their nose at me in exasperation.

That’s not really much better. The suggestion makes Aunt Riko’s words echo in my ears, “ _ My sister shouldn’t have left you on Honoiro.” _

“Aunt Riko-”

“Yazhu,” Hotaru says firmly. “Auntie can’t control our lives. All of us are adults.” She pauses, her face softening. She reaches forwards to tug my hand out from behind my back so she can hold it. “You don’t have to answer this now, but I’m going to ask, do you want-”

“Yes,” I say. I worried bout this all night, and this is what she says- “Yes.”

Then I look over at Ming. They’re watching us with a small smile. “Are you . . .”

“If you’ll have me, I want to come with you,” they say. They snap their fingers to bring a flame to their fingertips. “I want to see how you experience Fire.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hope you guys like it! This one was pretty hard, I was trying to write Yazhu as non confrontational, which meant I had to invent reasons to make them confront things. Anyway, drop a comment, and head over to my tumblr (drelmurn.tumblr.com), check out the side series (Step By Step Background Constellation) or check out my website (drelmurn.weebly.com) for more content.
> 
> I'd appreciate feedback on what you think of the characters and their interactions!


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